i'm not 100% sure why i even post anymore...i dont know that anyone reads this. oh well...maybe someday, someone will actually want to take the time to go back and see what i had to say when i was eighteen years old...though WHY they'd want to do that is beyond me...
sorry, i regressed into my depressed self for a second there. :P as i've been reflecting lately, a couple somethings that i've really noticed i have an issue with are self-confidence and trust. i already sorta knew i had issues, but i didn't quite realize how strong they were. in the past couple weeks, i've been doubting myself in almost everything. i've doubted my ability to get into a good college, get a degree, make a decent impact on the world, pass high school, heck, even finish the swim season without seriously injuring myself again, and i've only got two months left. i'm having one heck of a time trying to understand why anyone would even want to hang out with me, because right now, about half the time i'm depressed and mopey. granted, that half-the-time is generally at night, but it occasionally pops up during the day. i have GOT to get this under control, because until i do, my relationships with everyone are going to suffer. the trust issue...meh, i'm working on it...sorta goes along with the self-confidence thing, i can't trust myself to do a decent job of anything anymore and think whatever i do is crummy.
OH WELL...i need to drag myself out of the cycle now otherwise i'll make it worse. i've been much enjoying NOT doing nothing but school all the time. guitar and writing (hence The Dark Forest) have made a comeback into my schedule! woot! the CD is coming along nicely...now i just need to wrestle my microphone into NOT muting itself...
i also purchased a new mp3 player. as a note to all, mp3 players do NOT appreciate being dropped into a cup of water. i managed to revive it and baby it along for almost six months...but i haven't been able to adjust volume for a while and now the play/pause button is going. my new mp3 is in the mail and should be in next week. :)
i've also been doing a lot of reflecting on life in general recently, and not just on the afore-mentioned issues. so please, if anyone is even still out there reading this, please keep me in your prayers.
i'm going to bed now, before my depressing side can take over the post again. good night to all!
-enna
3 comments:
Just thought I'd mention I'm here. :-) Maybe we'll talk soon. Okay?
ALWAYS praying! Since the day you were born! :-) Love ya goose!
thanks mrs j :) and i am NOT a goose mom!!!!! i'm a fish ;)
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