holy smokes...

it's been a while since i updated this. it's been a long summer, fall, and beginning of winter...

school update: senior year is here! finished my final half-credit needed for graduation and getting ready for said graduation this spring. i took physics this past semester (ick) at one community college in the area, and an intro to mass media at another one. this semester i'll be taking intro to psychology and film 110 (dont remember ezactly what that is offen the top of my head). i'm really enjoying my advanced american government and economics class and my religion class - we debate stuff forever!! it's a blast :)

we still haven't moved yet, but the house is still for sale.

i'm starting to record a solo album. hopefully that will be out soon :)

for the first time ever, i'll mention a bit of my love life...h3h...he knows who he is...i miss him...and that's all you get ;) 3:)

there's a new youth group in my area, and ITS AWESOME!!! we have a blast!! :) it's amazing...we eat, play games, and learn stuffs about faith and application :) it's called keysis and it's AMAZING! :D we went to youth day this september, and had a lot of fun while we were down there.

and competitive swimming...well, it's almost over. i'm down to two swim meets before retirement (creepy...i'm 18 and retiring). i have our team's big february invitational (hey, we don't call it the valentine's classic for nuthin') and then districts and then i'm DONE!!! as much as i love swimming and as big a part as it's been of my high school life, i will not miss the pain.

guitar camp this summer was awesome i have to say :) and some friends and i threw together a band and wrote a song...we'll try to pull the band back together after we all graduate.

and i finally found a pc version of garageband!! YES!! :D <3 now i just need my computer to cooperate and let me install it :P and that shall be the update....valete!

-enna

new stuffs

well, as i'm sure all my faithful and rabid readers have noticed...all thousands of you (*snort*)...i have fallen off the bandwagon in terms of posting. *sigh* mea culpa. so i'll regale you with bits and pieces....

well, first off, my family has been attempting to sell our house. it isn't going all that well, seeing as we have yet to close....we've had one offer since we put it on the market in march. yeah....although honestly, despite the mess it's wreaking on my schedule, i'm glad that it looks like we'll be here for the year....i'll have enough to get used to next year without trying to readjust two years in a row. i can roll with the punches....if i have to....but the less i have to, the better, as far as i'm concerned.

however, my senior year shall be very nice...i shall be DONE with math!! :D i'm completing my math program this summer with a friend who has to have it done, and by completing Saxon's Advanced Math, i thereby complete my senior year math program and also have all 5 math credits mom's making me get for graduation...:D so even though i'm doing math all summer long, i'm not overly bummed because the only math i'll be doing this school year is a program about how to deal with credit and credit cards and all that jazz. not too bad.

in the lovely world of books, i have discovered the marvelous world of ted dekker. FANTASTIC books. so far, i've read blink of an eye, kiss, skin, thr3e, and black, and i've started heaven's wager. i've been enjoying them very much. :)

something else i may start soon is the construction of a formal dress...out of duct tape. i love that stuff...:D a major plus with that is it will cost much less, no one will ever have the same dress i do, and i can make in exactly whatever style or color i want. :) but i'm thinking afore i jump into that, i'll make some rock star clothes....mainly cuz it'll be easier...and also cuz....

a couple of good friends and i have formed ourselves a rock band. :D \m/>.<\m/ we're calling ourselves S3 with no idea what the Ss stand for....one of them keeps saying it's for "sassy, sexy, and.." grr i can't remember the last word...but you get the idea. new counter for him, though...."silly, stupid, and strange" would be a better fit. ;) we've got one song so far totally written, and we have our master riff-maker (also rhythm guitarist and backup lead singer), and master lyricist (? idk if that's a word....but he's also lead guitar), and me....who helps shove it all together...oh, and i'm lead singer and bass. i do a bit of everything...i write a few riffs...i write some lyrics...oh, and our lead guitar also writes really good riffs...i write more lyrics than riffs. idk. we're having fun, even if we never do sign with some major record company or whatever.

also, chickenfoot rocks. i'm just sayin'.

hmm...think that's all...wait...not quite...i'm looking at getting an electric guitar. \m/ ok, now i'm done. ;)

-enna

manipulation

i am a manipulator.

this thought occurred to me yesterday as i was doing the dishes. (don't ask - cuz i don't know either.) as a writer, i am attempting to make people believe in a nonexistent reality. i am trying to make people care about my characters enough to read the entire book and (hopefully) buy the book. basically, my job is to manipulate minds. every author does it. when you last read a good book, did you want to put it down? were you following your favorite character's every move to see what he or she would do next? a writer's job is to WRITE that - and to make you care enough to follow the character, we have to find a way to manipulate you into believing that character is a real person.

an actor or actress is a manipulator as well. their job is to portray another person so convincingly, they actually seem to be that person. an actor's job is to manipulate the minds of his audience.

when you hear the term "manipulate", you generally think of something bad; a crime lord manipulated the system or something like that. we don't like to think of ourselves as manipulators, because that means we're the bad guy. but if you can write a story that makes people care, or if you can portray someone else convincingly, then you are a manipulator. face facts. i'm a DOUBLE culprit - i write AND i act. i'll admit that.

and the fact disturbs me. if a writer who can write a good story is a manipulator, and every manipulator is bad, that means that every single story you've ever heard, every movie you've ever watched, every play you've ever seen, is bad. now, correct me if i'm wrong, but that seems to be a tad bit extreme. even the Bible has stories in it - Jesus Himself told parables. ok, that seems to make storywriting all right, but...

but now we run into another dilemma. the ends do not justify the means. i've heard it many times, but suddenly i see it with a new light. if i am a manipulator, and manipulating is bad, then that means that everything i write is bad. the fact that my stories are good and (hopefully) show people that good shall always triumph over evil even in the most difficult circumstances does not change the fact that i used manipulation to obtain this good end.

like i said earlier, this doesn't add up. if all manipulation is bad, then every single story you've ever read, every movie you've watched, every play you've seen, was written by a bad person. and every time they do this, they sin - "you shall not bear false witness against your neighbor". but if all stories are bad, that would mean Jesus is bad. the Bible is bad. this does not reconcile!! God is a God of goodness, not a God who would give us a gift for stories then make it a sin to share them.

this scenario reminds me of an example: my decision to save my first kiss for my wedding day. kissing is not bad. however, it could potentially lead to something that should belong only to a married couple. so while kissing in and of itself is not bad - in some cases, it is good - it can become something that is wrong.

so the conclusion i have come to is this: not all manipulation is bad. some is, yes - i will not deny it. but, neither is it a case of ends justifying the means. the action of manipulation is not bad. it is the ends that can cause problems - for example, if manipulation leads to robbery or assault. but, just as not all kissing is bad, neither is all manipulation. we just tend to give good manipulation a different name.

so yes, i am a manipulator. and i pray to God every day to keep me from straying down the wrong path.

-enna

this is gonna be short and sweet. i had choir camp last week, which was AWESOME. got to use garageband (a program with apple) to write a song, and i also got to sing all morning long. i love music....

this week is supposed to be the week of the 4H fair. i've only got judging tomorrow, but it seems i may not even make it to that anymore. because i am sick. hence why this is short and sweet. :P probably not even sweet...just short. i get rather irritable when i'm sick, and can be downright rude and tactless. so i'm going to keep this short...otherwise i may end up yelling at someone or something and doing some damage. :P

i'm sure you all want details of how sick i am - i'm running a fever and when i'm standing up, i hold onto stuff because i lose my balance very easily. that's all i know that i've got right now anyway...oh, i do have allergies too...yeah. sooo....:P

later

-enna

shoulder update

for those of you who have been following the progression (or regression...however you want to put it) of my shoulders, here's their own update:

i went and saw the shoulder specialist, and he said that i have shoulder instability. basically, there's a cap of cartilage in the shoulder, and in my shoulder, it's loose. i'm currently going through therapy to tighten the muscles in my shoulder so that they can take the job of the cartilage cap on. that's the story in a nutshell.

-enna

"other times He calms His child"

not sure why, but i have a strange desire to post something sort of philosophical about my life. oh well. it's about time for an update anyway.

i'm going to start with the refrain of a song i hear periodically on the radio that has really stuck with me. (granted, i don't listen to the radio much, but when mom's got it on, i normally hear this song.) it's "Sometimes He Calms the Storm" by Scott Krippayne.

"Sometimes He calms the storm
With a whispered “peace be still”
He can settle any sea
But it doesn't mean He will
Sometimes He holds us close
And lets the wind and waves go wild
Sometimes He calms the storm
And other times He calms His child"

sometimes, i think we forget that God's answer to our prayers isn't always a resounding "yes". sometime's it's a "not right now" or "I have something better for you". or, sometimes we expect Him to make our path perfectly smooth, without any bumps or roadblocks, sort of like Job's life before he was tested (see Job). but how are we to realize the true depths of our faith if we never have hardship? it's easy for a man who has never known difficulty to say that he believes in God, but will that same man still praise God in life's storms?

i'm sure you all are wanting me to get off my soapbox about now. sounds very preachy, doesn't it? sorry. :P but i can honestly say that i learned it the hard way...

i went through a very dry period in november and the beginning of december. actually, when i look back at my posts from that time, covering about six weeks, they are either a) papers i wrote, or b) nonsensical/crazy/just weirded out. suffice to say i was very confused. i felt like i was stuck in some sort of windstorm that would not let up. i could not figure out what was right or wrong; what was up or down. i'd been plunged into sheer confusion. it's difficult to describe...hmmm...ah, i know.

Meanwhile the boat, already a few miles offshore, was being tossed about by the waves, for the wind was against it. And in the fourth watch of the night He came to them, walking on the sea. When the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, "It is a ghost!" And they cried out in fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, "Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid." Peter said to Him, "Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water." And He said, "Come!" And Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But seeing the wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and took hold of him, and said to him, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?" When they got into the boat, the wind stopped. And those who were in the boat worshiped Him, saying, "You are certainly God's Son!" (Matthew 14:24-33)

you're sinking...drowning...and He reaches out His hand and pulls you back. i remember one night, i cried out, and He came. am i still confused? oh heck yeah! but now i have found my Anchor, my Harbor, my Lifeline...

hey, that reminds me of a song...

Anchor
I was drowning
In a sea of confusion
No help anywhere
No end in sight
I descended to the depths of despair

And then walking through the storm
He came
And offered His hand to me

I saw the hole there
And backed away
My stomach clenched in fear
Then He smiled and said
“Just let Me be your Friend

“Let Me be your Anchor
“Let Me be your Harbor from the storm
“Let Me be your Lifeline
“Trust in Me
“Let Me be your Anchor”

I took His hand
He pulled me out of the swirling depths of despair
Out of the despondency I’d descended to

I still ride the waves
The confusion is all around me
But I will not be overwhelmed
I will not be crushed
I will not be engulfed by this chaos
I know that even now

He is my Anchor, my Harbor, my Lifeline
And I will not be moved
I will not be moved
He is my Anchor, my Harbor, my Lifeline
And I trust Him
He is my Anchor, my Harbor, my Lifeline
And I will not be moved
(fade out)

you know, i think these selections say what i wanted to say much better than i could. i'll leave it there.

-enna

i haven't posted anything really worthwhile about me life lately, and for this i apologize. so i'll cover about two months' worth of information.

something that has been very constant in my life since mid-February is pain. i'd tried to use hand paddles again just before the valentine's classic, and my shoulders have been extremely painful since then. it varies day to day as to how painful they are, exactly, but i hit a breaking point when i woke up monday and could barely move my shoulder. i couldn't pull when i tried swimming; it hurt too much. so i got to go to the doctor's this morning. i now am going to a shoulder specialist on the 18th. it's been two years since the problems started; it's time to figure out what's wrong.

my parents put our house on the market, so we've been getting it ready. it's been a long process. as much as i don't want to move, i'm ready to be done with it.

classes at the CC are almost over. i only have a class on monday left. i've really enjoyed the class this semester. art is a great stress reliever. i also get to take the class with a good friend, which has really spoiled me...we carpool as well, and it's weird now when i'm the only one in the car.

for 4H, i had the public presentations contest at the end of april. i performed a selection from Henry V, act V, scene i, by Shakespeare. i got an A grade, and was also named state fair delegate and best in show. i'm going to do fox in socks by dr. seuss for state fair. it's interesting as i learn how to wrap my tongue around it...oh well. "through three cheese trees, three free fleas flew. while these fleas flew, freezy breeze blew. freezy breeze made these three trees freeze. freezy trees made these trees' cheese freeze. that's what made these three free fleas sneeze." ;)

school is blah. 'nough said. :P

by way of books, i have discovered the writing of ted dekker. i read his book kiss, and was entranced by his writing. he holds you until the last page. it was GOOD and i recommend it to all. his website has his other books as well.

that's all i can think of for now...

-enna

apologies

The Battle of Zephanaia will NOT be out on June 1 as planned. i am very sorry, but my life has gotten in the way of the required revising that needs done. i do not yet know when it will be published, as i may have found a publishing company that is looking for this kind of book. i have yet to submit it. when i know a date, i will let you all know.

i haven't posted in a while. for this i apologize. life is crazy. surprise, surprise. anyway, i'm going to post a couple of somethings that i found. cheers. -enna

It Was Me
Hanging on Your Cross I see You
And I’m mortified
Who would do such a thing to You?
And then I realize it was me...

Me who betrayed You to the priests
Me who condemned You without mercy
Me who scourged Your Back so holy
I can’t ask who crucified You
Because it was me

I see the blood on Your Head
Dripping from Your crown of thorns
I wonder how they could bear to do this to You
And then I realize it was me

Me who laughed and spit and mocked You
Me who beat the crown on Your Head
Me who ridiculed You before the world
I can’t ask who crucified You
Because it was me

I beg forgiveness!
I beg Your mercy!
I beg for what I could not give
When it was...

Me who had You carry
The cross You were to die on
Me who nailed You to that cross
Me who cast lots for your clothes even as You died...
Now I ask You Lord...
Why, when it was me?

And then in the silence of my heart
You come and answer me
“Because I love you
“That’s why I came to die
“And I came to die for you...

“You who scourged Me when I was down
“You who hung me on My Cross
“You who killed me with your sins
“I came to die for you
“Because I love you”

Thank You, Lord, for coming
And setting me free
On the bittersweet Cross that saved me
Even though it was me


Someday

Someday I want
To make a difference in someone’s life
Someday I want
To have someone love me for me
Someday I want
To find God’s plan for me
Someday I want
Him to set me free

Why must I wait for someday?
Who is holding me back?
Should I have to wait for someday?
Or can I fulfill all that He wants for me today?

Someday I’d like
To show people the way to Christ
Someday I’d love
To learn what dreams are made of
Someday I want
To be held in someone’s arms
And know for sure
That I am loved

Why must I wait for someday?
Who is holding me back?
Should I have to wait for someday?
Or can I fulfill all that He wants for me today?

Can my needs be met?
Can all my dreams be heard?
Or do my wishes seem absurd?
Will I ever know
What it means
To fulfill a dream?

Why must I wait for someday?
Who is holding me back?
Should I have to wait for someday?
Or can I fulfill all that He wants for me today?

A Teenager's Prayer

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

God, You know that
I'm not exactly happy with You
At the moment.

Life is topsy-turvy
My head is
Spinning
Round and round
The signs are leaning
Against the porch
A constant reminder when
I pull in the drive
My home
Is now
Just a house for sale

WHY THAT CITY??
WHY NOW?
Why do we have to go
Where we don't know?
Why do my final years of high school
Have to be so full of
Turmoil
Stress
Craziness
And new things?
Isn't high school crazy enough?
Wasn't it enough that
I was leaving anyway in a year?
Sure, I like to see new places - and then go home
Sure, I like to meet new people - when I'm with my friends
I'm TERRIFIED of it!
I'm an introvert!
Not a really bad one
But an introvert all the same
No chance of me knowing anyone
Over there
No chance of a friend to latch onto

Wait...

Oh

You want me to be without them?
You want me to learn how to go through life
Without leaning constantly on them?
You want me to learn how to live my life
Without being entirely dependent on them?
Am I too dependent on them and
Not dependent enough on You?
I guess
If I am honest with myself
You are right
They will not always be there
(Physically, anyway)
They will be a phone call away
An email away
A letter away
But not physically there with me
I need to learn
How to function
On my own

You have a plan
It's a good one
I can't see it all right now
I have to let go
My illusion of control
And let You be the Pilot
I need to remember my lesson from TEC:
"Don't anticipate; participate!"
Let You handle it all
You have the perfect plan for me
And I just need to trust
That You will bring it to fruition
And that You
Know what's best for me
Your little girl

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Oh
And You don't mind
If we do this all again tomorrow
Like we did yesterday
Right?
Good
I knew You'd understand.

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

such be life

for those of you who were unaware, Lent began on wednesday. and i gave up internet (except for school-related) during the week (monday-friday). SO no chance to update.

i had a crazy monday. also crazy tuesday (well, that's to be expected). i did go dancing after work, and left completely UNcomfortable with the dance. i didn't go back to that dance class. it was tuesday through thursday, with a dance on friday. it was not something i'd do again. well, correction - not something i'd do except with my husband (which, at the moment, means i'm not doing it).

since wednesday, i've been getting up early(ish). usually 5:45. oh, and did i mention that it was voluntary? since i have trouble incorporating a time to have silent prayer into my life once i get up and going, i decided that i'd get up 15 minutes before whenever it was i had to be up and pray then. although it's been tiring, i find my spirit to be more joyful during the day because of that prayer time.

and i had a very happy surprise in the mail on thursday...a reply from a publisher! :D :D :D i'd sent my manuscript to Vantage Press a week or so before, and they sent me a letter saying they'd received the manuscript and they'd get back to me in a few weeks; could i please fill out the questionnaire and read the catalog while i waited. *is totally excited* it's one thing to publish on lulu.com, but to send my manuscript somewhere and get a letter that does *not* say "i'm sorry, your material is not acceptable" or something similar is extremely exciting. :D :D :D

and i had districts yesterday. blah. ick. pffft. i didn't want to go. i was forced because of a relay. and said relay ended up scratched anyway because one of the other members went to texas. i did horrible. well, what *i* call horrible. it wasn't as bad as it *could* have been. i just didn't drop any time. :P i *hate* stagnating!! grrrrr. :P the only *good* thing is that i didn't qualify for finals. :D (yes, i do call that a good thing. yes, i'm very weird. your point?)

oh well. another update on my unusual doings next week! oh, and here's a few of the pictures i promised.

SATURDAY!! :D

i had a high point to anticipate this week - an afternoon spent dancing with friends! :D and it lived up to my expectations entirely.

a group of us went to one of the fitness centers in the area to break the world record for most couples dancing the tango for five consecutive minutes. registration started at one; the first attempt began at four. from 1-3:30, free tango lessons were held for those who did not already know how to tango. there were not many kids on the floor (and by kids, i mean under-18s); just myself and my partner, finwe; my sister ann and her partner blair; a friend from swim team and her partner; and her little sister (who was dancing with her dad). it was overall a very good time. well, when you can spend close to three hours dancing with your friends, do you really expect it to be a *bad* time? ;) i'm not ready for it to be over!

anyway, i'll post more pictures later.

-enna

Zephanaia

here, ladies and gentlemen, is a map of Zephanaia and Nemlac as of the year 961, during the reign of Azuan and Draila Setsoj.

update continuation

saturday, i had a swim meet. yes, that is how i spent valentine's day - in my swimsuit by a pool. got a problem with that? ;) it was actually another chance to spend time with huor and his two brothers before they left. anyway, here's my events and the time lost/gained breakdown:
50 free: stagnate. :P
100 fly: -8.5 seconds. (yes, that is a *huge* drop for a 100)
500 free: -23.5 seconds (another *huge* drop)
100 breaststroke: stagnate. :P
and then a free relay.

that was a *long* meet. they tried something new at the meet, and this new something meant they couldn't combine events. so we had 3 events in a row that had two people in each event. X_X we finally got home about 7...

then i had staff meeting sunday. *sigh* i did get re-certified in CPR/AED for the professional rescuer, which was something i needed to do before april.

then monday, we had no band and no art. presidents' day stinks. i like band, and i like art. i did get to sleep in, though, which was nice. :D which for me, equates to 7 AM, but hey...i take what i can get. ;)

tuesday, i worked all day like i normally do. and *finally* got a sub for work on saturday. more on that after saturday...

yesterday was a typical wednesday. well, ish. after art, i hung out on campus for about another 15 minutes or so. which was when i wrote most of the previous update. ;) then i picked up one of my little sisters (louise, if you want to know) from the Y after her service project and took her home. and found out when i got the mail that i received lots and lots of letters from colleges, and got 4 more in the mail today...for those who want to know where i'm going, i'm not sure yet. it will probably end up being the college with the best communications program that gives me the most money.

swim practice today got cancelled, so i stayed home.

that be the end of my update! later, all!

-enna

here you go...

update. this will be long, so i don't know if i'll finish it all in one sitting.

the day after my last post, mom and dad did a day-long talk at a local Catholic church on Theology of the Body. so i got to babysit my little sisters except for while i was at work. that was interesting. ;) i'm just kidding...they behaved themselves quite nicely.

last week was pretty crazy...well, i dunno that crazy is the right word. it was just busy. monday and tuesday were what they normally are - work and class on monday, and work all day tuesday. wednesday was also pretty much the same. thursday i was forced to take part in a math competition before swim practice. it was not easy, to say the least. :P i was also the only girl there. more mothers need to make their daughters take math competitions. it was six guys and me. *sigh* oh well. i also managed to show those boys a thing or two about geometry. ;)

on friday, after coop, i went to finwe's house for games and pizza. huor left for abu dhabi on sunday, so the three of us spent several hours playing nerts, risk, and munchkin and eating pizza.

and i shall leave it there. for now. ;)

-enna

i promise

i promise that a good, long update with various little tidbits is coming. just not right now. when i actually have some *time* (yes, that elusive thing), i will give you the update covering the past week and a half that also has music reviews and swim meet results and movie reviews...a little bit of everything. ;) so, just a teaser. >:D

-enna

something is changing...

i'm sorry, folks, but i don't know how often i'll be posting anymore. so - i'll post when i can. sorry. but i don't know that i can keep up the post-a-day thing.

anyway, picking up with my update...after work on saturday, we had tango class again. :D i love to dance...i may not be able to walk across a flat surface without tripping (my indian name should be "trips on sunlight"), but i can dance gracefully.

anyway, on sunday we didn't do much of anything. sunday is my day to *relax*.

monday, we had band. and then i had art class. that was interesting, as we started contour line drawing and received our first homework assignment. after class, i went to work. *shrug* typical monday. well, except for the fact that one of my dad's employees called in sick with strep throat. that sort of threw me into a germaphobic mess. if my immune system is down at all and i'm exposed, i get strep. X_X and i don't have time to get sick. (sounds odd, but it's true. i've got too much to do.)

tuesday, i worked all day. like i do every tuesday. tuesday is rather boring. but life got mixed up just a little at the end of work. i do leg strengthening exercises with a little girl for the last hour of my work day in the pool. she's got CP. (yes, i do know what disease that stands for, but i can't remember right now.) but she got sick. in the pool. in the first fifteen minutes. SOOO...she went home early. and i made a (possibly foolhardy) decision - in addition to doing the 500 yd freestyle at the upcoming swim meet, i am *also* going to do the 100 yd butterfly. not only is this my least favorite event, but i haven't swum butterfly in competition since the summer, and i did not swim it at all for a month. not to mention it's my worst stroke...oh well. i'm also swimming in the medley relay, 100 yd breaststroke, another event which i cannot remember at the moment, and the freestyle relay. and that is a week from saturday.

wednesday, i didn't have my bible study class...the teacher had a meeting. we did have art class, and we worked most of the period on a pen-and-ink contour line drawing. after art class, finwe stayed at my house until he, my sister ann, and i went to our guitar teacher's senior recital. so we got to listen to about fifty minutes worth of incredible classical guitar. :D all told, i was very glad i was able to go.

yesterday *would* have been just another day...should have been just an average day. i've only got latin class and swim practice on thursday. but i got rear-ended en route to swim practice. that jarred me, to say the least. i'm fine, and so's the car, but (if it were possible) i drive even more carefully. that was *one* experience i could have done without.

as per the post title, life is catching up with me very quickly. i had been posting every day last semester for the most part, sometimes two or three times a day. i can't keep doing that. part of it is my schedule. part of it is that i'm currently going through major preparation for the publication of The Battle of Zephanaia in the beginning of june. but there's another factor in there. i really can't describe it. but this semester has been a real change for me, even moreso than last semester. which is kind of odd...last semester, i added two jobs and college into my life. this semester, i've cut down on the number of hours that i spent at work, but other than that, i really haven't changed much. my theory (probably faulty) is that the closer i get to graduation, the faster life seems to move. i graduate in a year and a half. i've taken the SAT already, and i'll be taking the ACT sometime this spring. i fill out college applications next fall. i'm moving so quickly towards independence...all i want to do is dig in my heels and enjoy life, whatever it throws. i think this involves living in the moment, something that i find myself doing much more after TEC 219. i can fully appreciate everything: the joys and the trials, the pain and the relief, the hunger and the fulfillment, the search and the destination, the potholes and the smooth stretches, the good and the bad.

-enna

wow, i've been *really* bad about this...this is a far cry from when i was posting two or three times a day. anyway, friday was not typical...i didn't have band. :( other than that though, it was very enjoyable. :D we love those days...although my guitar teacher *still* hasn't brought my footstool yet...i've got the money; now i just need the stool! but this is a minor annoyance. :D i'm really enjoying guitar class this semester (even if we do have homework *gasp*).

yesterday, we had our first 4H meeting of the year. yes, it is a little late to have the first meeting...our leader got a new job and is now travelling a *lot* more than he was. so we hadn't met yet. so we had lots of stuff to do...fill out reenrollment forms, elect officers, decide if we wanted to do a group project...we did the reenrollment forms, and i am only doing three: visual arts, breads and cereals (basically baking for those who don't speak 4H), and public speaking. i personally like public speaking the best. yes, i am just a *little* strange...public speaking is the number one fear of people in the world. it's not drowning, or the dark, or death...it's standing up in front of a bunch of people and having to talk to them. yet *i* can just stand up there and go for it. i don't really get all that stressed over it...i don't sweat with nervousness or anything. (although, when i did the cremation of sam mcgee by robert w. service, i did sweat - because i was wearing my winter coat in august. X_X) i actually *enjoy* public speaking. :D 'tis fun. anyway, i got elected president. (methinks it has something to do with the fact that i've been in 4H for 7 years and am also the oldest member in the club by several years.)

after 4H, i had work. and something happened that made me *totally* forget about what happened at 4H...someone almost drowned. and i went in after him for the first time ever. my first rescue...and i didn't even realize the impact that it had until about an hour later. then i realized, "wait a sec - if i hadn't gone in, he woulda drowned..." wow. i mean, it's what i'm trained to do, but i hadn't had to save anyone before...it's a different experience, realizing that you've saved someone's life. that's all i can say about it.

i shall finish the update later today...i must go get ready for church now.

-enna

*gasp*

i'm behind a post! so, here's some pictures. cheers.

"Eagle" colored pencil on cream paper"Zinn" graphite pencil on cream paper

-enna

sorry!

i'm sorry i haven't posted since monday...mea culpa! (latin for "i'm sorry" or "my fault", for you non-latin students.)

tuesday, i had work. all day, like i do every tuesday. and i've begun to amp up my practice intensity...the meet is two weeks from saturday. and i finally figured out what song my little polliwogs think i sing during playtime:

(to be sung to the tune of "i'm a little teapot")
i'm a little playground, short and lean
without many hand holds, without any swings
when little kids see me, they all shout
"let's all play on the playground!"

i kid you not. i've had five of my students hanging off me at once.

wednesday, i had religion class, then art class. we had a test. i like that kind of test. we did five drawings, then chose our best one to have the teacher grade. :D wish mom would let me do that...but i come home from art class, and my little sisters run right by me to finwe. if he tries to avoid them (to try to get them to acknowledge me), all they say is, "where's finwe?" *sob* ;) oh well.

today, i had swim practice and latin class. at swim practice, i had to give my hand paddles to my coach...they need a new home. i can't use them anymore. i tried, and it HURT! :P i came home to find out that my sister kathryn had cut a piece out of her nice new pants for some sewing project, and elizabeth had cut her hair. fun...interesting day all around...

sorry again!

-enna

a monday of firsts...first art class that we'd actually HAD on a monday, first time having my TA call on a monday, first band concert for the school. not quite done with the firsts for mondays, but more on that later...

as per the band concert and recording etowah, the recording stinks. :P all you can hear is the trumpets, a little bit of flute, and a little bit of horn (me). so sorry, but i won't be posting it.

and you have to enjoy a class that is 3 hours long, but doesn't feel that way. some of my chemistry classes felt longer than my art classes have. :D this is a good thing!

-enna

nothin' much

i didn't do much of anything today. after running around so much yesterday, i just chilled and relaxed and talked to friends all afternoon via the wonderful world of the internet. :D i really did nothing much of anything today (if that made any sense at all). so, in light of that, i'm going to post a really short (and really stupid) skit that i wrote earlier today. cheers. it's called The Substitute. it has no plot whatsoever; it's only a page long; and it's just really stupid.

Stage: Four chairs in rows of two. “Desk” in front of chairs. GASKINS on set in front of chairs. Rest of cast comes on, laughing/joking/etc. and sits down in the four chairs.
JACOB: (to ABBY) Looks like we have a sub today.
GASKINS: (raps his knuckles on desk)
Everyone looks up
GASKINS: His name is Mr. Gaskins. (points to self while saying this) He wants to know their names. (points at them)
Class looks at him oddly.
STELLA: Why are you talking in the third person?
GASKINS: (points at them) Names?
ABBY: He wants us to tell him our names.
NATALIE: Oh. I’m Natalie.
ABBY: I’m Abby.
JACOB: Jacob.
STELLA: And I’m Stella.
GASKINS: Good! Now, he wants them to open their books to page 45.
STELLA: (aside to rest of class while getting out book) Why do you think he keeps talking in the third person?
JACOB: Not sure. He sure isn’t an English teacher.
By this time, all four students have out their math books.
GASKINS: No! He does not want them to get out their math books; he wants them to get out their English books!
All look at JACOB.
JACOB: What?
NATALIE: (rolling eyes) Get out your English book.

like i said - really short and really stupid. oh well...i suppose it could be worse. (well, actually, i don't know that it could be...it's really bad right now as it is.) anyway, good night!

-enna

*note to self* do not anticipate - PARTICIPATE!

i swear, i need to tattoo that on my forehead! i was really looking forward to yesterday, and that sorta blew up in my face with just a really bad ending to the day. today started not so great and kept right on going that way...

started with the SAT. i left the house this morning at 7:15 to get to the test center by 7:45. we were *supposed* to start at 8. we didn't until 9. we finished at 1:30, at which time i ran to work. almost literally - i ran to the breeze, drove to the Y, and ran inside. after work, i ran BACK out to the breeze, and drove to church. SOUP did the 4:30 Mass today. so i walked into the enrichment center, grabbed the music, and walked out into the church because Mass was starting in ten minutes.

after Mass, i took ann and louise to tango class. we beat everyone there by a lot...we got there about 5:45, and class didn't even start until 6:30. but it was rather pointless for us to go home, so we waited around in the hallway for about 40 minutes until everyone else got there. but the day got a little nicer at that point...let me try to explain it this way. until about 4:30 this afternoon, every minute felt like an hour, every hour like an entire day. but from about 4:30 on (well, except for waiting in the hallway), time actually moved like it's supposed to. i think that it has to do with something that i had to adjust to last weekend - the post title. don't anticipate, participate. we had no clocks at TEC, no way of knowing what time it was. we were on God's time. it forced us to live fully in the moment and not look forward too much. but i have been finding, in this hectic week since i've come back, that if i continue to do that (to a certain extent - i do have to know what time it is for some stuff), my day goes much smoother. if i simply concentrate on the immediate situation instead of always looking forward, i find that i can enjoy the present so much more than if i was looking towards the future (even if that future is only an hour away).

so - DON'T ANTICIPATE YOUR LIFE; PARTICIPATE IN IT!!

-enna

let's turn a good day on its head, shall we?

*sigh* today turned out to be rather insane. band this morning was OK. nothing too spectacular. when we came home, mom was going to leave early for coop - and when she went to start THE BUS, found out that the battery was dead. REALLY dead. we tried jumping it with the breeze - didn't work. SO we got to call a tow truck and i got to take her down to the garage, where they had a loaner for her. i then went BACK home, made sure we had all our stuff together, threw my four little sisters, their coop stuff, my coop stuff, and two car seats into the breeze and left for coop. after coop, i left pretty quickly (as usual) and went to work. i got home all of fifteen minutes ago, and i will be in bed before 10 tonight. i take the SAT tomorrow, and i also have work, SOUP, and tango class tomorrow. *sighs again* i *WAS* looking forward to today and tomorrow...not so much anymore.

something else that probably needs factored into this: i'm still somewhat sleep-deprived. i have not yet fully recovered from TEC. i'm starting to feel just a tad bit hysterical. don't get me wrong - i loved TEC, and i'd go back in a heartbeat. but since i came back, i've been running almost nonstop. so...i'm starting to feel just a tad bit overwhelmed. i'm looking forward to sunday now. i'll come home from church, eat, and *attempt* to nap for the rest of the day. i probably won't end up napping, but i *will* relax. before i throw myself back into chaos on monday. *sigh* oh well - i'll survive. and i will find a time to sleep sometime soon. ;)

-enna

must...get...more...posts!

it's horrible - i've only got one post for each day of the month! ;) must...add...more...LOL not really. just thought i'd post something other than my rather factual post earlier and give you something lighter to stomach. ;)

today was actually rather dull. i don't do much on thursdays. i usually have my latin teleconference call, but that got cancelled due to the fact that most of my classmates were on the march for life. *sigh* *wishes she could have gone too* oh well. such is life. i had to choose - march for life or TEC.

i still had swim practice. i made a rather odd request of my coach last week - i asked her to put me in the 500 yd. freestyle. i have not competed in this length of an event since i was pulled entirely out of butterfly and freestyle in october. the most that i have done is a 50. yes, 1/10 of this event. but i need something to push towards. a 50? pbbbt. even a 100 or a 200 isn't really what i want to be able to do. i want my events back - the 100 breaststroke, 50 free, 200 breaststroke, and 500 free are my favorite events. i never got pulled off the breaststroke, so that isn't really a problem for me. but free is my next best stroke, and i want to be able to swim it like i know i can. i've got the 50 back, now for the 500...i just don't want it to hurt to compete. so i'm going to get my free BACK before the next swim meet. it's a home meet the second saturday in february. and by then, i will OWN the 500! i WILL swim it and i will NOT have shoulder spasms throughout the entire event (like i did when i swam it in october :P). i WILL regain my strength, and be able to swim even better than before this whole mess!

anyway...;) i'm just a little determined to return my shoulders to normal. can't you tell?

-enna

Survivor '73

A shirt that I own has the above slogan on the front. The back carries this quote:

“Since 1973, over 1/3 of my generation has been murdered by abortion at the rate of 4,000 babies per day. My friends…my classmates…my generation…compromised by the selfishness of others. As a survivor, I will NOT let future generations be slaughtered in the name of convenience. I will NOT be silent. I will NOT forget. I will NOT compromise.”

4,000 babies is a very large number. But just how large is it, really? I didn’t really understand the magnitude of this number until I put it into perspective. My hometown has approximately 1,500 people in it. If 4,000 people a day were to die in my town, we would be wiped out before noon. Yes, folks…4,000 babies a day means 167 babies die every hour, 3 every minute. A baby dies every twenty seconds. If we were to kill one person every twenty seconds, Springfield – the capital of Illinois – would be gone in four weeks. Chicago, one of the largest cities in the entire country – gone. Adios.

On September 11, 2001, four planes were hijacked by terrorists from Afghanistan. Two of those planes were flown into the Twin Towers; one was flown into the Pentagon; and one was re-hijacked by the passengers and crashed into a field in Pennsylvania. Approximately 3,000 people died in this tragic day. The country was in an uproar. Citizens begged George W. Bush to go to war against Afghanistan, and later against Iraq. They were furious that so many American citizens had died in an attack by a foreign country. Yet they stand complacently by while citizens of their own country kill unborn children by the thousands every day.

We reached the 4,000 dead mark in Iraq and Afghanistan over the summer, and the country was furious with Bush. Why aren’t we outraged about the 4,000 children WE kill every day?

Every week, 28,000 babies are killed. Monthly, it's 120,000 dead. (That's about a fifth of the dead from the Civil War.) In a year, that number is ghastly - 14,400,000. Yes - that is 14.4 million dead. That's more than has ever died in a war. Since January 22, 1973, when the Supreme Court legalized abortion, more than 50,000,000 children have been killed. Yes, I did just say MORE THAN 50 million children have died at the hands of their own mothers.

We all say we want peace and harmony among the peoples of the world. In that half a billion dead, one of those children could have been the one who would have stopped Saddam Hussein before he ever caused as much damage as he did. One of those children could have found Bin Laden by now and brought him to justice. One of those children could have brought world peace. One of those children could have reformed the government in Cuba. One of those children could have been my best friend, or yours. One of those children could have changed history. We honor so many of our soldiers - it's a good idea, I won't deny that - but one of those children could have saved lives in Afghanistan or Iraq. The number dead in Iraq could be much smaller. One of those children might have prevented 9/11 from ever happening.

Is it logical for us to care so much about those who have left the womb, but throw away young children as if they were garbage? Say a person caused a car crash, and the second car carried a pregnant woman. If that woman was killed, the other party would not be charged with one murder, but two – the woman and her unborn child. Yet she can kill her own child and she won’t be charged with anything. Something is not right in our justice system – either the child is alive or the child is just a mass of cells.

And there is NO scientific evidence proving that the child is just a mass of cells! Scientists are in complete agreement; there is life from the moment of conception, a life completely separate from that of the mother. Granted, the child is dependant on the mother for nine months for life, but the child is still ALIVE as a separate entity. The DNA of the child in the womb is never the same. The blood type isn’t the same. The ONLY connection the child has with its mother is through the umbilical cord. Even at the first division of the cells, the child has a completely different DNA than its mother or its father – it is already an individual. THIS IS SCIENTIFIC FACT! THE SCIENTISTS SAY THAT LIFE BEGINS AT CONCEPTION! EVEN IF YOU SAY YOU HAVE NO GOD, THAT YOU THINK SCIENCE RULES ALL, YOU CANNOT SAY THAT LIFE DOES NOT BEGIN AT CONCEPTION! IF YOU DO, YOU ARE GOING AGAINST THE VERY SCIENTISTS YOU CLAIM TO FOLLOW! I’m not trying to make atheists into Christians (although I would love for them to be so); I’m merely trying to show that it isn’t only religious people who know when life starts - at conception!!

If this has touched you today, DON’T just sit around. With Obama being inaugurated on Tuesday, we, pro-lifers, need to take a stand! Write your representatives and senators, Obama himself, ANY person with the power to change this law, both at the state and national level. Tell them that you will no longer back those who support the wanton slaughter of unborn life. You can get the contact information for these people at your public library.

I will NOT be silent. I hope that you won’t be, either.

I will NOT forget. I don’t know that you will be able to.

I will NOT compromise.

-enna

wowza...

i have been incredibly lax in posting. i'm not quite back in the outside world yet...still rather low on sleep and HIGH on TEC!! i'm going back as soon as i can. anyway, a quick update of everything that's been happening...

on friday, sometime in the afternoon, i joined the big, bad world of facebook.

left saturday morning.

got back monday evening. found out that while i was gone, they showed our house to prospective buyers on sunday and ended up in the ER most of monday because the littlest munchkin punctured the top of her mouth with a knitting needle. then tried to jump-start the breeze, which hadn't wanted to start since the nice big cold we had. it ended up being towed down to the shop yesterday, where it received a new battery and spark plugs.

and as a nice entry back into the outside world, i worked for 9 hours. yep. from 9:30-7, with a half-hour break (that's mandated by law - they couldn't get out of giving it to me). what a way to come off the mountain...

then i had life as normal today. i had my bible study teleconference class and my art class. *shrug* came home, as normal. worked on a drawing for a while. not sure i'm happy with it. doesn't quite look right. it's not done yet, but it still doesn't look right to me. i dunno. i'll probably have someone else look at it and see what they think. i *might* scan it and post it. (that's a pretty big might.)

oh, and i have an announcement: this is post #101!! yay! it seems rather fitting that post #100 was about TEC 219. but, as a treat for all of you who have stuck with me for the first 100 posts, here is a little something for you! these are a few poems i've written over the years, and randomly decided to gift to you as a 100 post present!

The Lord's Earth
Flowers blooming
Everywhere
The sun
Shining with all the beauty
That was meant to be
Trees
With the majestic grace
Of a king or
Queen
People living in
Peaceful harmony
No wars or
Divorce
That, my friend
Is how the
Lord
Intended this earth
To be. -2004

Prophecy of Redemption
from The Battle of Zephanaia
When a king marries the daughter of Helath
And cloaks the world in his wrath
Then must Zephanaia stand forth
And her heroes show their worth

To a woman shall a child be born
Not to feel thistle or thorn
Until she is torn from her mother
Who will be killed by Helath's daughter

She will be forced to work her life away
Forced to hide and heal her own pain
With her hands from work scarred
And her life seemingly ill-starred

But when the king misplaces his ire
Then shall the woman forget the kitchen's fire
And her face shall grow red with her fury
No longer contained or buried

She shall scorn the king and queen
And frustrate the king's offspring
And return to her land
With little but her scarred hands

When she returns to Zephanaia, woe to the king
And Helath's daughter, his queen
For this woman shall destroy his kingdom
And restore to all their freedom

So run you, evil Azuan you
And tear away to hide, most foul dropping of Lithmiru
For lo, the day of your death shall come
On the day the child comes home.
Made by Hnrfcltnbskrtzma the Wise, year 682 2007

The Prophecy
from The Journey
Beware the Witch of the North
And do not cross her intentionally
For that Witch has no value of worth
And will practice her black magic indiscriminately

But lo, one day a sorceress will come to that Northern place
And challenge that Witch of free will
And shall a man who lived in that palace
Be freed from the Witch's spell

Then shall that man and that sorceress
Leave the palace and vow to return
To conquer the Witch, and free the rest
Of the people whose freedom was not yet theirn

That sorceress from place remote
And that man who drew her to her destiny
Shall make that Witch become merely a mote
Freeing all the land from her tyranny -2007

-enna

TEC 219

i am now a totally different person than i was just three days ago. the experience i had was absolutely incredible. i cried more than i have in years. i haven't cried that much since my dog lazarus died when i was in the fifth grade. but it was good. it brought a sense of release and of peace. i've buried everything for so long; i hadn't let myself feel the grief, and so dulled the joy. but especially sunday - i cried so much, i felt like i couldn't cry anymore. i cried myself to sleep last night. but it was good. and there weren't only tears; there was laughter, games, fun, music...that wakeup call...*shakes head* i was up at least (well, i think...i didn't know for sure what time it was from 10 AM saturday morning until about 4:20 this afternoon) twenty minutes before wakeup call on sunday morning, and this morning, i was showered, dressed, and almost done with a rosary by the time the wakeup call came. such is the life of a morning person...;) anyway, i am going back as soon as the parents will let me. it had that much of an effect. and i *HIGHLY* encourage everyone to make a TEC weekend. even if you aren't Catholic, you can get a lot out of it. to find a TEC community near you, google TEC and your diocese (or, if you aren't Catholic, just google TEC).

this experience was truly indescribable.

-enna

TEC

since i didn't post last night, this is just a reminder: I AM LEAVING AND I WILL NOT BE BACK UNTIL MONDAY! i'm going on retreat and i'm bringing no electronics whatsoever.

talk to you all monday!

-enna

what do you hear?

didn't do much today, and won't be doing much tonight. *shrug* i must admit...i'm starting to get a little bit of cabin fever. i want to be able to DO something outside other than run from one warm place to another or shovel snow. it's too cold to bike or take the dog for a long walk or anything like that, and doing it at the YMCA just isn't the same. i'm ready for spring! is it just me? i think it was rather compounded upon by the fact that, with wind chill, it *maybe* reached -10 degree Farenheit outside today. i kid you not.

anyway, this is a really neat little video that my mom sent me (upon request - thanks, ma!).

what do you hear?

-enna

first day

i had my first art class today...and i ended up sitting on a table. not sure what that says about how the rest of the semester will go...;) anyway, i now have a shopping trip planned for friday...half will be rather painful, and the other half not so much. i need new jeans (:P^infinity) and a bunch of art supplies. :P :D :P 'cause the good stuff isn't cheap...oh well. hobby lobby is one of my favorite stores (second only to book stores and music stores). so that will be a fun trip...:D

anyway, the class turned out to be a bit different than i had originally thought. i *had* thought it would be a bit of a blow-off class, but then the teachers started talking about careers and transferring into good art schools and all that jazz. i was just sitting there thinking "so much for a blow-off class." that thought was reinforced when i saw the supply list...oh well. it's the only college course i'm taking this semester. i'll probably still enjoy it, even if it is more intense than i had expected.

it is *still* very cold here, and it was snowing until about three this afternoon. the snow was still blowing around, though...it made for difficult driving when i couldn't see the lines due to blowing snow. but hey...i didn't lock my keys in the car again! :D major plus! h3h.

later, all.

-enna

quick note

i just received my confirmation letter...i will be GONE this weekend, from approximately 9:00 AM saturday morning to 5:00 PM monday evening. i am going to be attending a Teens Encounter Christ (TEC) weekend. my computer will be at home; my cell phone will be in my car; all i will bring with me would be: clothes, a pillow, a two-liter of soda and some munchies. nothing else. SO just a quick warning to those fanatics of you who check my blog four or five times a day (yeah right, but i can dream) -- do NOT expect a post after friday evening until monday evening. if. i'll probably be in shock from my re-entry into the world. ;) only joking.

-enna

what an interesting two days it's been...

no, i was NOT abducted by aliens or anything else. i did not post last night because i didn't get home until late, and then i was eating dinner before crashing.

let's see...what made monday interesting (in a very nice way) was gaming after work. :D gaming is always fun...we played imaginiff (and managed to totally embarrass people who weren't there), and also a game called fluxx...supposedly good for ADD kids, because the rules change usually about every minute or so. that was interesting...i stunk. so did most of the others there...except huor and the two who'd played it before. (hmm...wonder what that says. :D) then we played some nerts and slamwich (or whatever it's called), and some munchkin. overall, we had lots of fun.

then i had my new tuesday with a twist...my journalism class got cancelled. then i locked my keys in my car and discovered that it isn't a myth that your hair will freeze if wet when it's cold enough. and now i must decide if i want to take speech this semester and add another 3+ hours into my schedule...*sigh* must sleep on it...*mutters* if the CC does this to my schedule next year, i'm not going to be happy...although, if we've moved by that time, there's a good transfer program for mass communications at that CC. i still don't want to move, but being able to cut costs by getting two years of the four at a CC would be nice. *grabs head in agony* this whole thing has just been a headache!

-enna

staff meeting week...:P

yes, the lovely staff meeting. (did you catch the sarcasm?) but the day starts a little earlier than 4 PM...

we went to a different parish for church this morning. mom and dad were giving a Theology of the Body talk after Mass this morning, so we all just went. then we condemned my little sisters (kathryn and elizabeth) to the cry room with someone to make sure they didn't do major demolition for the next forty-five minutes or so. we got home about 12:30...

and i left three hours later for staff meeting. WHY do they have to be on sundays? :P this one was actually only for swim instructors. we did the skippers classes today...and i am now hoping i can walk tomorrow. :P when my boss asked josh to demonstrate his teaching method for the whip kick, i volunteered...not realizing HOW he teaches. :P his thing is you put the kid flat on the wall, then have them bring their heels up to touch their rear, then do the rest of the whip kick. it wasn't an issue...until my heels stopped about six inches away and he tried to FORCE them the rest of the way. now, most people wouldn't have an issue with that...but my hamstrings are *EXTREMELY* tight (when i try to touch my toes, my hands stop about two feet above my ankles). he only managed to get them within an inch...but OUCH. :P actually, the whip kick is the most dangerous kick in swimming...and breaststroke is my best stroke...which means, basically, that the most dangerous stroke in competitive swimming is my favorite. hmmm...not sure what that says about me, exactly...;) :P

-enna

just another saturday...

fairly boring. *shrugs* i don't usually do much on saturdays other than work and chores. the past few weeks have been exceptions (because of Christmas etc). i did realize something, though, at work today...

i'm small. well, i've always known that, but it really hit home earlier...i'm only 5'3" tall and 120 pounds. it's something i've accepted, because almost all of my friends are taller and heavier than me. but it never really affected me, because we usually don't start wrestling or anything like that. but today, one of the patrons tried to throw me into the pool. i couldn't get away; he only stopped because i put on my "lifeguard voice" and told him to let me go. that scared me, though, because if i couldn't get away from him when all he wanted to do was throw me in, i won't be able to get away from a guy who wants to...do something else much worse. :P it's a scary thought...methinks i need to get stronger or SOMETHING so that i can protect myself.

-enna

*note to self: dance shoes are worn out*

i spent my friday night a little differently this week...i went to a tango lesson. i had fun, too. although, oddly enough, the five minutes of dancing we did non-stop didn't bother me at all. what bothered me was when the guys would dance too close. other than that, it was very enjoyable. :D homeschool lessons start soon, and i won't be the youngest one on the floor (i hope). but anyway, this was the first friday i'd taken off since the beginning of september.

for those who are asking, no, i do not have a partner. that's a whole confusing mess. the bottom line is, the people at the homeschool lessons who don't have partners will be drawing straws for partners. (not sure how that will work exactly.)

we started band again today, too. sightread an awesome piece...and found out that we are doing etowah again! :D for a concert for the kids at the school. (a Catholic school in the area lets homeschoolers join their band, and we do concerts two or three times a year for the whole school.) so i *WILL* record it this time, and post it.

anywho, that's all. for tonight. ;)

-enna

I Am Legend

what a movie...but talk about creepy. it is very mental...it goes deep within your brain. the images it presents are extremely disturbing, to the point that when i wanted to stop, i didn't dare because of the images and questions it presented. not something to watch if you dislike horror movies or mentally disturbing images.

-enna

Just Once

another book...this one is fairly short...only 55 pages...no one edited this one. i wrote it and published it. it's called Just Once. it's very different from anything else i've written for publication so far.

description: Just one decision makes all the difference...





-enna

"Now you tell me, Grant Taylor, you tell me what is impossible with God."

the above is a quote from facing the giants, an incredible movie about trusting God with your life. and it seems rather appropriate for what happened today...or rather, yesterday, but i didn't hear about it until this morning...

for quick reference, CC stands for community college.

i had registered for two classes, ART 101 and JOURN 110. i had been placed on a waiting list for the art class. i had not received a call from the CC, and classes start next week. i had accepted that i had not registered early enough; i had died to my dream of taking ART 160 (of which 101 is a prerequisite). i had already decided that if i received a call after the beginning of the semester, i would not take it. so i was only taking one class this semester...

they called yesterday while i was at work. they created a new section for ART 101 on mondays and wednesdays, from 12-2:50. NOT ONLY can i get my prereqs in now for 160 by the time i graduate, BUT something i hadn't particularly liked about the section i registered for was that it had a friday class 12-2:30 until halfway through march. i had been taking classes the past 3 years on fridays 12:30-3:30, and i was going to give up two of the classes i had been taking to take the art class. when i was put on the waiting list, i went ahead and signed up for the coop classes...what i'm trying to say is that i had recognized and accepted that i would not be able to take both the art class and do coop. but, by some kind of divine intercession, i am taking ART 101 AND i am taking my drama and writing class at coop.

now you tell me, my faithful blog readers, you tell me what is impossible with God.

-enna

random decision - get to know me

this is "getting to know you." i'm just a tad bit bored right now, so i thought i'd do it and post it.

-enna

1. What is your occupation right now? i am a high school student

2. What color are your socks right now? they are white with gray heels and toes

3. What are you listening to right now? skillet's newest CD, comatose come alive

4. What was the last thing that you ate? 2.5 meatball sub sandwiches (homemade, they're the best kind)

5. Can you drive a stick shift? HAH no

6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? hmmm...i believe it was edward from work about him subbing for me on friday...he said he would. :-D that's the first friday night i've taken off since september...

7. How old are you today? i am 17 years, 3 months, and 22 days young. ;-)

8. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV? TV? what's TV? ;-) the Olympics

9. What is your favorite drink? milk (hey, it's good for you!)

10. Have you ever dyed your hair? why should i? i like my hair, thank you! (well, not the chlorine IN my hair, but that's a completely different ball game.)

11. Favorite food? i'll go for kinds...that'll be faster. ;-) italian and mexican (the more authentic, the better! i'm not from an all-american family...methinks i've been spoiled rotten by all the fantastic cultural foods i get to eat on a regular basis. ;-)

12. What is the last movie you watched? the comatose come alive DVD

13. Favorite day of the year? any day i get to spend with friends and family and eat marvelous food.

14. How do you vent anger? i don't vent. i bury it deep within myself.

15. What was your favorite toy as a child? a little stuffed rabbit that i called flopsy. *thinks* actually, i still have it. *goes and digs it out and holds it in her lap while she finishes* hey, just because i'm 17 doesn't mean that i can't like my rabbit. besides, her ears are soft. ;-)

16. What is your favorite season? hmm...fall.

17. Cherries or Blueberries? hmmm....depends. if they're maraschino cherries, i'd take the blueberries; but if the cherries were fresh, hand 'em over!

18. Living arrangements? what kind of a question is that? are you asking about the state of my bedroom, or what i would like my living arrangements to be? well, since i'm not really sure which, i'll go with my current living quarters...i sleep in the smallest bedroom in the house. it has my textbooks and my other books, my craft supplies, my guitar, my games, my computer, my music, my bed (well, duh)...i like my room.

19. When was the last time you cried? do i really want to answer that? no. will i answer? yes. :-P december 30th.

20. What is on the floor of your closet? lots and lots of stuff. random, miscellaneous stuff.

21. What did you do last night? taught a bunch of polliwogs how to swim, guarded the pool, washed the chlorine out of my hair, stopped by a friend's house on the way home to drop some stuff off, ate supper, watched superstars of dance, and watched comatose come alive.

22. What are you most afraid of? do i really want to answer? once again, no. :-P and i don't think i will...

23. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers? spicy? never heard of it. gimme a cheeseburger!

24. Favorite dog breed? newfoundland

25. Favorite day of the week? um....it changes week to week...on average, it's friday.

26. How many states have you lived in? two...wisconsin and illinois

27. Diamonds or pearls? umm...why? is someone going to give me either? i hope not anytime in the near future...i really don't care.

28. What is your favorite flower? either lilac or rose. i go for strong fragrance

back to books

school started again yesterday. *sigh* not that my Christmas vacation was all that i wanted it to be...i didn't get nearly as much done as i had planned. *shrugs* oh well...i'll juggle, like i have been doing.

now, my schedule has changed a little...where wednesdays used to be horrifyingly busy (class 9:30-10:30, run to the community college, go to class, run to work, work for four hours, swim practice, home around 7:30), i now have TUESDAYS that are busy. difference is, i leave for work at 9:00, work until 4 guarding, do some physical therapy-type stuff with someone 4-5, then swim practice. from which i will get home around 7:30. *sigh* at least it's only tuesdays that are so busy...i even have a block of time 8:45-12:30 on fridays now that used to be filled with class. :-D so tuesdays are the only days that are rather busy...i think that life *might* slow down a little. (well, after february 21, anyway...more on that after *I* know more. :P)

-enna

dance

i watched the premier of superstars of dance last night, and i'm watching their new episode tonight. i did take ballet when i was in third grade; less than a month into the class, i broke my two front teeth. i have had no formal dance since then. i say formal, because my parents met in a ballroom dance class, and they have taught me little bits and pieces of ballroom. i know the basics of the waltz and the foxtrot, and i know a *little* bit of tango. i enjoy spending time on the dance floor. but i watch these people dance, and i look at mine...wow. what a difference. you go from me, a complete amateur, to these professionals...i may be called a natural, but it takes so much more than talent to be able to dance well. dedication, training...i don't have either. (well, not for dancing, anyway.) it's merely a hobby.

dunno why this came to mind tonight...

-enna

weekend

i looked over my post, and realized that my post yesterday told you nothing of my saturday...and since i didn't do much today, i'll use that to make my post a lil longer tonight. ;)

i got up at 8ish and began frantically doing my chores. i wanted to get them done as quickly as possible because i was planning on going and swimming a couple of miles before i had to work at noon. i didn't get to the YMCA as soon as i would've liked...i wanted to be in the pool by 10, and i didn't get in until 10:40. but i still got 2100 yards in before 11:30, when i got out, showered, and ate lunch before i started work. then, after work, i closed the pool and came home, where friends were waiting. :D the mithrandirs came over to play games and eat pizza. they left around nine. we had a lot of fun.

today, we went over to my grandmother's again after church. my aunt b (from VA) and uncle j (from WY) are leaving tomorrow, so we went to go see them again before they left. and i'm not sure what it is with dogs, but they seem to like me an awful lot...isis (aunt b's dog) was following me around again. but i ate so much lasagna...homemade, with homemade noodles and sauce...yum!

we had to leave at 3, though, to go to the gatorthon. the gatorthon, for those who don't know, is a fundraiser for our swim team (the gators, hence gatorthon). i did 106 lengths of the pool, or 2,650 yards. (which was why i went and swam yesterday morning...i hadn't been in a pool at all since december 15, and hadn't been to a swim practice since the week before.) and i am so proud of myself...i swam 600 yds of butterfly. :D i haven't swum more than 100 yds at a time since october, so this was a big leap. not sure how it'll feel tomorrow, but it was so exhilarating to be swimming it. (well, for the first 50 yds of the first 200 i did.)

then i came home and FINALLY worked past my mental block and got most of the first verse of life is worth living on paper. :-D the guitar does wonders...i couldn't get it with the piano, but i could get it with the guitar. (it might be because i really can't play much other than chords, and our keyboard is tiny and not exactly helpful...)

anyway, that was my weekend!

-enna

being true to oneself

this was brought up by one of my friends tonight, and i really feel the need to address it moreso than i already did. so here is what she said on the topic:

just be yourself. What is the meaning of that phrase? How can one be himself when one is influenced by experiences and people? One does not know right away how to act, how to speak, how to do things. One looks around, sees what others are doing, and tries to copy what they are doing. What I'm trying to say is, how can someone be himself when everything about him is influenced by those around him? A person is one being, yes, but as a baby, one looks up to parents or siblings or both. One's actions are influenced by family and friends. So, what does being yourself truly mean?

i commented:

yes, you are influenced by what is around us. but there is something within us that is "you," per se. something that gives each person his or her individuality - the soul. no two souls are identical. some fit together better than others, but the soul cannot be influenced; hence, this is why i can listen to rap and rock, while my family shuns it. my family is closest to me; so if who we truly are was influenced by those closest, i wouldn't like either form of music. but because i have a soul that is completely separate from theirs, *i* am ME - a unique individual with my own strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes. someone could clone me, and that clone would not BE me; she would have her own soul. (not that i'm endorsing cloning - just an example.) finding yourself...now that is a journey that each person must take on his or her own. and it's a lifelong journey...you never stop learning about who you are. however, if you want to really speed up the process and get a general idea about you, i *highly* recommend spending an hour in silence once a week. just sit and open your heart to God. He'll tell you what you need to know.

now i wish to embellish more on the topic...so bear with me, please. the soul makes a person who we are. without our soul, we would be like a bunch of animals. i don't pretend to be a philosopher, or a theologian, or even a great thinker. but something must make a person a true individual, even if they have identical DNA.

ok, here's an example...about a wk ago or so, i posted my list of qualities for my perfect guy. something that i did not include on that list trumps all of it...i didn't include it because i didn't know how to put it. i can actually know lots of guys with most or all of the qualities on that list...but those don't make a guy RIGHT for me. there is a particular "something" that he's gotta have...and i don't know how to explain it, exactly. something within HIM, within who he TRULY is, must be right. that trumps everything on the list i posted...that stuff does still matter, but that is the most important thing.

guys with lots of my perfect qualities...all of whom seem like they would make a perfect match...but only ONE guy will have that "something" that makes him (this is corny) my soulmate. this is the best example i can think of...

i'm no philosopher...or theologian...or scientist...or even a great thinker. i am just me.

-enna

DUH!

come on people...you wonder why there is so much sin in the world, and then you send me a stupid prom dress catalog. *shakes head* no self-respecting person would wear any of those dresses! the only ones that don't go down to the navel are the strapless dresses; and if the dress has straps at all, they are either a) tiny strings, or b) if the straps are thicker than half an inch, there isn't a back on the dress! COME ON PEOPLE!! you want to know why the teen pregnancy rate is high? you want to know why society has all its problems? LOOK AT THE WAY YOU HAVE BRAINWASHED WOMEN AND YOU'LL FIGURE IT OUT PRETTY DANG QUICKLY! this isn't the only problem with society; but it's big enough that if more women would stand up and say "NO WAY am i wearing something that shows more skin than it covers," the problem would be less. i'm not saying it'd disappear; but it would lessen it considerably.

it's not all women, though. i'm not blaming it all on us. half of the designers are men, anyway. what society really NEEDS is a moral slap in the face. women are not objects for pleasure; we are human beings with dignity. every human being has dignity. but it's hard to show that when you're wearing a dress without a back or straps.

i'm sorry, but this is something i feel VERY strongly about. if women want to be treated with respect, then they need to start acting like they respect themselves.

-enna

life is worth living

occasionally, i get smacked in the head with an inspiration for something. sometimes it's a song, sometimes it's a poem, sometimes it's a book...it varies. i really got smacked good earlier. this is a song titled life is worth living.

-enna

F: A darkness creeps into my mind
Smothering everything in its path
Life is no longer worth living
Where can I run?
M: Put that gun down
That’s not the answer
Look within your heart
And then you’ll see…

Everything that is good
Everything that is right
Everything that is worth living for
Is right underneath your nose
So look again at your life
Take a chance again tonight
And you will see why
Life is worth living

There is so much in your life
That you shouldn’t throw away
So much happiness and love
Why can’t you smile again?
F: Where is the happiness
Where is the love
I searched for a long time
And I still don’t see…

Anything that is good
Anything that is right
Anything that is worth living for
Nothing underneath my nose
I looked again at my life
I took a chance again tonight
And I still don’t see why
Life is worth living

M: Give me your hand
Let me show you
What I see
I see a soul with
Dignity and immortality
Precious to me…

(guitar solo)

F: I look into your eyes
I see your sincerity
And now I understand
What I could not see…

B: Everything that is good
Everything that is right
Everything that is worth living for
Is right underneath your/my nose
So look again at your life
Take a chance again tonight
And you will see
Everything that is good
Everything that is right
Everything that is worth living for
Is right underneath your/my nose
So look again at your life
Take a chance again tonight
And you will see why
Life is worth living

F: (softly, almost an echo) Life is worth living

welcome to 2009!

hey all! it's been a year since i've talked to any of you! ;) anyway, here's some nice new year's wishes from my family. it's my four younger sisters and myself singing. and yes, we did say ravioli instead of figgy pudding.



this is part of my parent's Christmas present that they received from us this year...a CD of all five of us singing some of their favorite Christmas carols and hymns. this was the final track on the CD. (just as a note, kathryn is 7, and elizabeth is 4.)

i love holidays...lots and lots of good food. :D homemade tamales on new year's...*swoons* yum. anyway, that's all!

later!

-enna